Cancer and Careers
Choose To Live
Submitted by Robert Vandegrift
Diagnosis: Colon Cancer
Age Range: 70+
Stage: Stage IV
Relation to Patient: Patient
The wisest advice that I have ever been given was by Dr. Benjamin Kim. He said, "some of whether or not you survive is up to you". Three or four months earlier, on December 16, 1996, I entered the hospital and four days later, I was operated on for colon cancer. I didn't fully comprehend it until early in the morning on January 1, 1997 . It was then when the surgeon told me I had colon cancer and it had metastasized to the liver. I asked him how much time I had and he said, "Statistically, six months to two years". The idea of six months to two years was a lousy blow. I remember panic. I was sixty-eight years old and not ready to make a one-way trip to the hereafter. The surgeon wanted me to see an oncologist. I remember our visit very well. I can quote it verbatim. I only repeat it because many others with cancer hear the same thing. She said, "You have colon cancer and there is metastases to your liver. You are going to die. You are not a candidate for surgery and you are not a candidate for transplant. We can keep you alive for a short while with chemotherapy but you are still going to die!" I went for a second opinion and the doctor told me to get my affairs in order because I had only four months to live. It all looked very bleak. I would later learn that my family was told that I could be gone within three weeks. I searched for a doctor who would do something and I found Dr. Kim who would perform cryosurgery. The tumors were substantial in both lobes of the liver. Cryosurgery was not possible once they began but he resected some of the tumors. At this point, Dr. Kim said he would be sending an oncologist to see me. Dr. Saundra Buys came and asked me to take part in a clinical study. I told her I would let her know as soon as I made a decision. Three weeks later, I agreed to participate in it. I began the trial (Xeloda) in April, 1997 and remained on the protocol until April, 2002 for a total of five years. The Xeloda was certainly more convenient than 5FU with fewer side effects. I was doing well. Dr. Buys said she had not had anyone make as much progress in her career. However, I did not rely only on Xeloda. I believed in surgery, pharmaceuticals and developing a strategy to augment the medical protocol. Some of whether or not I survived was up to me. I wanted programs that would insure that I could get upbeat very quickly if I became depressed. Norman Vincent Peale was a great advocate for visualization. I obtained copies of my scans, transferred them to my computer and then erased the tumors several times each day. I affirmed to myself that the tumors were getting smaller. With the help of John Conlee, the medical social worker, we traced the slices of each scan every time. I assigned a value to each tumor that proved to myself and my medical team that I was making progress that gave a tremendous boost to attitude. I also developed flash cards for my liver. I set short and long term goals. For instance, I went to the bank and borrowed $50,000 and didn't tell them I had just been given four months to live. We remodeled our home. I needed a Cadillac dream and not a compact dream. I bought a used Cadillac. Not all strategies cost money. I looked for someone each week and told them they had been significant in my life. I didn't pray for myself but I prayed for others because I knew others were praying for me and I believe this has proved to be a healthy thing because it forced me to think about others rather than myself. Writing became part of my therapy and I wrote a small book called "My Home Is In The House Of Cancer". I have spoken in churches, assisted living centers and a cancer center. I speak about strategies with anyone with cancer whenever I have an opportunity and this continues to be one of my major strategies. This has been the most important six years of my life and I want to make a difference wherever possible. --Robert Vandegrift search@xmission.com